This week along-side the amazing support and solidarity we have received, that we are so grateful for, we have also come up against some questions that we think are important to address openly and fully here. Hopefully this will mean people can have a clearer understanding of where we are coming from.
We have been challenged on our credibility and credentials to be running our workshops and courses, asked why we are charging for our courses, told that £40 is too much money for our four-day men’s learning course, and questioned over the suitability of imagery used in our marketing.
We understand that because of the society we live in, we judge each other based on officially verified credentials, academic education, awards and conventional professional backgrounds. While there is some merit to this, it isn’t always an accurate way to assess someone’s suitability for the role and excludes huge demographics who have not been able to access specific platforms to meet these requirements, but who have other experience, skills and abilities that make them even more appropriate to the role. Lived experience, alternative education, self-learning and experience and skills gathered from other types of work (such as campaigns, mutual support, community work and activism) are hugely undervalued.
We don’t believe people should be measured simply on professional experience, academic education and qualifications or awards. We believe there needs to be more space given to and more value placed on lived experience.
We both do happen to have professional backgrounds, qualifications and awards but we do not lead with this information when presenting our work. We collectively have over 19 years’ experience working within human rights, women’s services and survivor charities. You can find out more about this here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bryony-and-meg-rrp-59048369/.
However, our work now is actually shaped from lived experience not from professional development so we don’t want our credibility to be measured by our previous careers. This is why we don’t readily promote our credentials in all our material. We stepped away from this sector for a reason. We think different systems and structures are needed.
We want to normalise recognising the value of lived experience and judging ability on individually developed skills and knowledge, rather than only looking at mainstream professions and conventional achievements.
Charging for courses, training and workshops:
Charging for a course is standard practice.
This is an incredibly low price for a four-week course and is only a fraction of its value. We chose this low price to encourage as many men as possible to sign up.
We shouldn’t expect women to work for free, particularly when educating men on the impact of male violence, on us. Even though we are not paying ourselves yet (we have been working entirely unpaid for over a year, as our project is self-funded), we will be in the future and we aim for course fees and training fees to cover some of those costs when viable. We should be paying ourselves at least the wage we received in our previous professional careers.
We need to normalise placing actual value on survivor’s expertise and time working in any job where their lived experience is of real use and value to their role.
It is our aim to pay all survivors involved in RPP; too often survivors working in survivor services are tokenised and not paid for their time. This is not OK and we want to set the standard we expect to see.
Regardless of the above, money from our current courses goes to RRP and in particular the Resilience Fund, a fund for all survivors of rape and sexual violence who can’t afford to meet their self-care needs. We have been running this fund for over a year and supported many survivors to access things they need in their recovery.
We deliberately choose not to have traditional professional looking shots within most of our work as we want to see more people being able to present authentically in their field of work and not have to fit in to a particular narrative or ‘look’ to be perceived as worthy.
We understand that people are used to seeing very specific imagery around rape and sexual violence, male violence and domestic abuse.
We have purposefully created imagery within our work that challenges the representation of survivors/victims, of women and of male violence.
We relentlessly see imagery in the media and in the charity sector that depicts a very one-dimensional view; victims/survivors/vulnerable women are seen as weak, broken and dehumanised. We are often reduced to faceless figures, silhouettes, shadows or body parts.
This causes deep problems in how others (and ourselves) view our identity. Not being represented as human, as normal people with a range of emotions, creates a huge separation and detachment to us. We are an outsider, we are othered.
Our identity is entirely that of a vulnerable victim. We are reduced to our experience, our trauma. This is not helpful to our recovery or our perception of trauma or the impacts of violence and abuse. People are not only uncomfortable with survivors/victims looking and presenting as powerful, capable, multifaceted individuals but it leads to us not being believed or seen as valid if we do not fit in with this stereotype. Perpetrators are also depicted as violent men with their fist clenched towering over a woman. The narratives we are fed so often differ from what situations really look like and that is a problem.
Within the charity sector we need to be seen as incapable and vulnerable so that we can be ‘rescued’. People want to save, so we need to look like we need ‘saving’.
This type of imagery exists because we live in a society where people need to ‘deserve’ support and help and we determine what deservability looks like; innocent weak female victims and violent bad male perpetrators
This also plays into the criminal justice system and how survivors need to be seen as ‘the perfect victim’ to be believed.
We choose to show alternative images that are more human and show ourselves authentically and in ways we are rarely portrayed in survivor spaces, to offer an alternative and more honest narrative.
By Bryony Jade Ball, co-founder of The Radical Resilience Project
First Published in Issue 5 of “Lumpen: A Journal for Poor and Working Class Writers”
As survivors of rape and sexual violence from working-class backgrounds, support for our trauma recovery was limited. Access to resources to help healing was minimal and any financial support, including applying for incapacity/disability benefits due to trauma, was complicated, long-winded and incredibly stressful. Any free counselling services had such long waiting lists and the support was both conditional and temporary. The services providing this support were also controlled by the middle class. Building a solid support network and accessing necessary mental health assistance is just not possible for survivors without money. Trying to make ends meet is hard enough, so self-care is not always something that we can easily achieve.
Recovery has somehow become a luxury that only a privileged few can engage in.
Having been let down by the systems in place and having worked within support services ourselves, we saw the absolute necessity for an alternative space for survivors to be able to build resilience and recover from trauma authentically. We set up the radical resilience project for survivors of rape and sexual violence to have autonomy, challenge harmful stereotypes, own our healing and claim back our space.
It started as a fund where survivors could take out mini grants or loans for things to help with their healing processes but is now growing to include mutual support, education and consultancy. The fund remains central to our work.
One of the things we found growing up working class and broke is that middle-class people don’t understand how difficult it is to find money to support self-care and healing. Simple things like buying some healthy food, a herbal tincture, a record, a takeaway, some moisturiser, a new pillow or a yoga class are all a complete luxury. But small things like these can have a massive difference to our day or even a whole week and the importance of being kind to ourselves and giving ourselves pleasurable gifts – particularly through trauma – is undervalued.
What people with money often don’t understand is that every penny counts, it isn’t just a saying for us. Finding a spare fiver is impossible when you don’t know how you are going to cover rent and know you have nobody you can borrow from – as people around you are all in similar positions.
Being able to have an extra £5/£10/£15 to buy something small you need, even if it is just phone credit or a magazine, is something that is so important when you suffer mental health issues.
Recovery and healing from trauma are costly and completely unaffordable for people in our position. Even when counselling services, therapists or holistic centres do ‘concessional rates’ it is usually just £5 off the original cost and doesn’t address the issue that finding any money (especially over £10) for anything outside ‘essential living costs’ is extremely difficult. On average a counselling session costs around £40 – £60 a week (alternative therapies can be way more) and concessional rates are rarely below £25. This is simply something many people cannot afford. Yes, it is cheaper but we still don’t have that to spare. This failure to appreciate what affordability is for the working classes is rooted in the skewed perception of wealth inequality of the middle and owning classes. In their ways of analysing what ‘low income’ and ‘real poverty’ means, we are seen to have more expendable income than we do..
The services that are available for free or subsidised are mainly snapped up by the middle classes because they have time to look for and apply for them. They know how to game the systems because they or people like them essentially created them and they know how to use the right language to gain access. Waiting lists for free trauma counselling can be up to 2 years.
If we can manage it we usually have to go through the uncomfortable process of ‘proving’ our poverty to be able to access the concessional rate. Proof can include bank statements, earnings, financial living costs broken down, concession forms and benefit letters. This is uncomfortable and often humiliating as there is immediately a distrust from the support giver around our lack of money. It creates uneven, unhealthy power dynamics from the start, where we are inferior and have to prove our worthiness. It is a forced vulnerability that we should not have to have put up with – particularly when already dealing with trauma.
When applying for financial support such as grants and loans of any kind, we are also subjected to these same painful processes of measuring our worth and finances in order to access even the smallest financial support.
This is why in setting up our fund we were adamant that it was built on trust, solidarity and mutual support rather than charity. Our form to access mini grants and loans only has six questions and only two are actually required: your PayPal account (or if you don’t have PayPal, the PayPal of someone who can receive the money for you) and the amount you’re requesting. The process is based on self-identification and autonomy. We don’t control who accesses the fund, what they do with the money after they receive it or ask for any kind of reporting or feedback. Mini loans are repayable whenever people are able with the understanding that if it is not possible to pay back, that is totally ok and there is no expectation or judgement. We don’t keep data or information on anyone and people are welcome to apply more than once.
At the moment we are only offering tiny grants and loans of up to £15 but we hope to offer larger amounts once we find more sustainable incomes. Unfortunately, major funding sources and sponsorship options are centred around proving impact, evaluating outcomes and controlling how money is used. These systems further oppress working class folk rather than support us. This is why we are independently funded and reject official charity and organisation structures.
When we explain how we operate one of the first things we are always asked is “How do you know people are telling the truth and that it is definitely real survivors applying?”. Again, this shows what immediate distrust people have (particularly privileged people) of those who are asking for help. The underlying thought is, are they worthy and are they deserving? Yes, maybe some people will apply who aren’t ‘survivors’ and might not seem like they ‘need’ the money but we are not here to judge or control who does or doesn’t need support. It is up to individuals to decide for themselves.
We are not a charity; we are a community and a movement – responsibility for distribution is shared by all, not owned by a privileged few.
There is more to this project than just money. The support services that offer free counselling, support groups or various therapies are usually set up by people with middle-class, white, able-bodied, cisgender, heterosexual privilege, a saviour complex and a superior attitude. Even if we jump through all the hoops to access support or resources there are often many layers of problems.
Services are delivered inappropriately, with no real understanding of our experiences or needs.
A new part of our project is the mutual survivors support collective which is a response to the lack of appropriate one-to-one support available for survivors. We link survivors or people who have experienced rape or sexual violence with each other to co-support each other in a way that we choose individually with our co-supporter. We want to dismantle the idea that all care and support should be led or controlled by a superior. We need choices, agency, freedom and trust.
Another problem we have found with charities and support for ‘vulnerable people’ within them, is how privileged people approach giving. Christmas is a great example as many rush to donate things to those who are worse off than them. What is uncomfortable about this – other than the fact the compassion and kindness seems limited to the festive period – is that the actual items people donate are distasteful. They reek of charity. I used to work in a safe house and one Christmas a very wealthy company donated shoeboxes of gifts for the survivors. A couple of days before Christmas I opened them to check what was inside before putting them out. Wrapped up was a biro, a Tesco Value notebook, soap, a toothbrush and hand sanitiser, a £99p hairbrush with the tag still on and a sachet of cheap hot chocolate. I was disgusted. Particularly as many of these gifts were basic cleaning products and the women who were going to receive them were survivors of sexual exploitation and trafficking. It was implying they were dirty – hand sanitiser for xmas really? (This was pre-Corona.) What this rich company was actually saying is “This is your worth”. I imagined what presents the people who had wrapped these had bought their families and what their Christmas day might look like. I imagined them patting themselves on the back after they had packed up these shitty gifts that they would never dream of giving to anyone they actually knew.
It’s similar at homeless shelters when rich people donate food parcels of supermarket basic cans and cheap food they would never even feed their pets, while enjoying Waitrose organic range at home themselves. We are supposed to be grateful for what we get, but these kinds of gifts come loaded with supremacy. Unfortunately, this kind of giving is not uncommon.
People with the most oppression and least privileges are used to being given second-rate things. Survivors in safe-houses often get donated awful second-hand clothes (stained, broken, baggy or just grim), badly knitted hats and gloves all in one style – as if we don’t even have taste or need choice because we are at the bottom of the ladder. What people donate says a lot about how they see us.
Not being able to afford to treat yourself is bad enough but when you are given ‘treats’ that are worthless and shitty you feel worthless and shitty. It does nothing for building up self-respect and resilience when you are feeling vulnerable.
When we started the Radical Resilience Project one of the things we wanted to include beside the fund was real gifts and treats for survivors. Things that can bring pleasure and excitement – because we need this for recovery as well as meeting our basic needs. We very deliberately looked at asking specific businesses to donate the very best. That is what we all deserve. We got things like gift vouchers for award winning hairdressers, festival tickets, a cookery school course, bottomless champagne brunches, a series of resources on sexual pleasure, vouchers for meals and drinks at top restaurants, pole dancing classes, tickets for cinemas, a women’s herbal medicine course, yoga classes and independent film subscriptions. Gifts should be joyful. Something of real value that makes us know our worth!
Recovery from trauma is hard and slow. We need finances to support our basic needs, we need access to counselling, therapeutic support, holistic therapies, knowledge around natural healthcare and we need real treats.
Even when we try to access these things the holistic world is dominated by middle-class, privileged people. Things like healing centres, herbal medicine, natural remedies and self-care support have become lucrative corporate commodities constructed for middle-class, able-bodied, white, cisgender, heterosexual people. This is ironic considering many of these practices and traditions were originally birthed from Black, Indigenous and People of colour, people without money, and outside the capitalist society. Now the most oppressed people can’t afford to be part of this world. When we can find a way in, it is a very uncomfortable space to be in as we feel like outsiders when most of us are not represented.
Because we have been made to feel like we don’t belong in these types of spaces, and because systems of access to healthcare force us to prove our worth repeatedly, many of us now feel undeserving of support. We discovered this early on in our project – it was incredibly difficult for people to feel able to take out mini grants or claim gifts as they don’t feel worthy enough. People we speak to always say “I don’t feel I deserve it” or “Someone else deserves it more than me”. This illustrates just how dangerous the conditions of our healthcare systems are. People have learned to measure their worth and needs in an extremely toxic way. For example, as survivors our worth is often based on being seen to behave in a way that society expects us to (show signs of suffering, trauma and fear) and to do what society thinks we should do (report to the police, accept support that we are offered that might not be right for us) and to visibly appear vulnerable and to be worthy of support.
We are trying to challenge this attitude of unworthiness within our project but are still unlearning it ourselves as it is hard-wired. In the meantime, to make our project more accessible we have created an option where people can nominate each other for a mini grant or gift..
While our project is tiny and still just at the beginning, we are hoping to radically shift the way people understand recovery and healing. Recovery and self-care is a human right and shouldn’t be a luxury. The Radical Resilience Project is about creating open spaces where we unlearn what we have been conditioned to believe that we deserve and what the ‘right’ way to heal is. A space where building resilience is not a privilege but a right.
To access the fund and mutual support or get in touch, go to www.theradicalresilienceproject.org. We are also on instagram @the_radical_resilience_project. We are independently funded so any financial support literally keeps this project possible – to donate you can use Paypal (firstname.lastname@example.org).
We are beginning a new project!!! ✨✨✨ A network for survivors to both get and give 1-1 support, solidarity and connection.
The type of support (and accessibility) that survivor services and mental health services currently offer is not working for many people and we need radical alternatives. Now
Survivors tell us that they are desperate for something different. We are expanding what the Resilience Fund does and are exploring new ways of finding and creating mutual support collectively. Support that is individual, support where we are in control, support where we are able to have real connection and support that is accessible now.
This is why we are setting up TRF Mutual Survivors Support Collective to link up survivors with each other, to find ways to support one another. Ourselves.
This project is aimed at creating connections between survivors and building our strength and resilience collectively, in non-hierarchical ways.
Joy in sexual pleasure is so important to our resilience and healing for many of us, but still often it is seen as a taboo subject; particularly an avoided in survivor services. We want to see more discussion around sexual pleasure, the erotic and the sensual within healing spaces so you will definitely see more from us on this.
OMGyes have given us 10 FREE access codes to both their series on ‘women’s sexual pleasure’.
OMGyes is an online visual platform that shares research and information on women’s* sexual pleasure. This includes research gathered from over 20,000 *women.
OMGyes Original + The Inner Pleasure Collection (usually £59)
The original (practical techniques to enhance clitoral pleasure solo or as a couple, 60 short videos & 12 touchable simulations) practical techniques to enhance
pleasure with inner stimulation and penetration, solo or as a couple.
Over 180 short videos in total.
*Disclaimer (you know we love a disclaimer): This is for anyone but we want to acknowledge that OMGyes focuses on cis women’s experience and pleasure. This is not inclusive as does not acknowledge the importance of involving all womxn and all those with vulvas within their research.
Hi! We haven’t posted for a while. We both had to return suddenly to separate countries because of the crisis (Meg in the UK and Bryony in Greece). We are both in isolation and missing each other and general human contact immensely.
We are connecting, talking, laughing and working through video chat however.
We want to acknowledge how incredibly hard this must be for everyone and send so much love, strength, resilience and power to all of you. In the weeks to come we will be more present online with as much support as we can offer. We are just trying to figure out, like everyone else, the best way to do this.
We are thinking of more online support in different forms including the possibility of an online mini retreat/workshops and working on a 1-1 survivor support club. Any ideas please let us know.
We have a couple of questions for you:
What do you need?
What do you want to see from us/this project?
What would you like to see from an online weekend retreat?
Please please remember to take out a mini grant to help build your resilience- now is the time more than ever to support and treat yourself.
Friends and those with money please support by donating to us to support more people through this time. PayPal email@example.com
Gifts gifts gifts!!!🎊🎀🎁 👸🎁👸🎁🎀🎊 We dressed up as gifts to entertain ourselves…⚡✨⚡✨⚡✨
Also to tell you that there are lots of exciting gifts and treats we have been given and will be offering out over the next week. Things like gift vouchers for glamorous restaurants, exciting courses, tickets and more. 🎫💌🤸♀💃🌹🥂🍽 Look out on our social media and here as we will be offering stuff each day and it will be on a first come first served basis. 👀
If you know someone who you think would really enjoy one of the gifts you can ask for it on their behalf too!
So please please please share the resilience fund, invite people to like it on FB and Insta and tell people about it! Especially those of you in the Bristol/Bath area as the gifts are local to Bristol and Bath. ☝
We want to reach more people so please give us a gift by sharing the word! Love and power 💥💥💗💗
Fuck filling out monitoring and evaluation forms, fuck being asked leading questions on feedback forms, fuck numbering from 1-10 my improvement and recovery from trauma each week, fuck being made into a case study, fuck being told I can’t use my real name when sharing my experience, fuck seeing my identity on leaflets as a shadow or pair of hands covering a face, fuck being told what I can and can’t say and limiting what I can talk about in support groups, fuck being told what will trigger me, fuck being told what coping strategies are healthy and unhealthy, fuck being given a time limit to heal, fuck 2 year waiting lists, fuck having to report to get certain support, fuck being given false information about the reality of reporting, fuck you taking case notes about me, fuck having to show up every week or be threatened with support being dropped, fuck your sterile boundaries, fuck your corporate and patronising language, fuck not employing survivors, fuck not paying survivors for our time and energy when you need it for your promo, fuck the lack of specialist support in your services (e.g. support for disabled survivors, trans survivors, survivors of colour, refugee survivors, queer survivors, working class survivors etc.), fuck your inability to adapt, change or actually listen to what survivors need, fuck your shitty biscuits and weak-ass tea, fuck your ridiculous support plans, fuck you risk managing our lives and micro managing our safety, fuck overworking and underpaying your staff, fuck valuing education and training over lived experience, fuck your useless diversity policy and fuck your compliance with the establishment and lack of passion to make real change.
Disclaimer: We are not saying all services are shit or that they shouldn’t exist. They are very much needed and vital to many of us recovering trauma. We have both had incredible support from individuals within support services and worked alongside some amazing support workers/case workers. We are not intending to devalue anyone’s positive experiences within support services and are always so happy when people receive the right support for them. We just know that many survivors feel let down and unheard within current services. This call out is to acknowledge the problems many of us have faced when using or being part of certain organisations. We need different systems, different structures, different funding and more appropriate support. We also want to acknowledge and celebrate all the amazing resilient people who are working tirelessly within these structures, trying to make a difference despite having to work within systems they don’t agree with. You are fucking great and we need you!
Treating yourself shouldn’t be a privilege! Rest and recovery shouldn’t be a luxury.
But it is.
Self love, treats and rest are so needed to build our resilience but they are not always accessible. The words self-care are thrown around or forced on people making us feel guilty when we don’t have the money, time, ability, health, access or opportunity to do the things that we would actually like or need.
Ownership is so often put on us by society and support services to self-care, which is such a cop out, because actually what we need is basic access to human rights like a working benefit system, childcare, housing, accessible healthcare, legal help and immigration support before we can even CONSIDER self-care and dealing with trauma!! We don’t all have spare money or time for self care when we have bills to pay, health problems, immigration problems, housing etc. So it is very problematic when we are told to just do a bit of mindfulness, try positive thinking or expect us to be able to fund self-care activities like so many support organisations do.
While this fund is a tiny step towards giving us all more control back as survivors… we also will be challenging the systems that are in place that have created these problems in the first place.
Privilege is not spoken about enough in organisations and that needs to change. We all need to check our privilege more and understand how it effects everything around us.
Rather than focusing on survivors individual oppressions and vulnerabilities and creating outreach programs for ‘minority groups’ or empty ‘inclusion policies’ we need to completly restructure how we operate as organisations and look at the privileges we have and power within our support structures and how that distances, isolates and excludes certain people.
Rather than focusing on why certain people aren’t ‘engaging’ with services, we need to ask why aren’t services fully ‘engaging’ with us? Why are society and services completely failing certain people and excluding us and our needs?
Our own privilege:
We acknowledge we have privelege to be able to even do this project, in many ways. We are white, cis and able bodied which immediately creates more opportunities and makes things easier for us. We are also at a stage in our recovery from trauma and lives where we have better mental health, more free time and we have found and can access ways to support ourselves enough to actually do this too, hopefully without burn out. Despite having some shit experiences with support services we still had privelege within accessing that support because of how we were treated by society and services due to our privilege. This has enabled us to get where we are now. We need to not just aknowlege this but be aware of how that allows us to operate and speak out.
We want to use our privelege in the best way possible. We also want to check our privelege regularly and we encourage you to too.
We will make mistakes, we have made many in the past and are constantly learning and trying to unlearn but we welcome being called out by anyone that feels able to – we will listen fully and not get defensive.
Privilege has an impact on all of us and we need to find ways to keep addressing the inbalances that are everywhere, especially in accessing support.
We need to remember privilege isn’t about seeing that some groups find things harder, it is knowing that WE actively make things harder and less fair for some groups. Our society is set up to benefit a select few and fail so many others. It is our collective responsibility to own this.
It is only when we are all prepared to start actually giving up power and sharing some of the privileges we are used to, to enable more equal rights and fairer access to opportunities, that we will start to see changes.