We need to talk about our identity. We need to talk about our representation. We need to talk about image.
How people view survivors (and how survivors see ourselves) is determined hugely by how we are represented. Not only does the media stereotype us but so do survivor/victim support services. The very spaces we should feel safe, be able to connect with ourselves and find strength and power let us down.
The images we see of us are disempowering and dehumanising. We are reduced to either faceless figures, shadows and silhouettes or only part of us is revealed (such as our hands). Even in real videos we are not allowed to show our faces, even when we request to, and so the shot is usually with our face blurred, our shadow at a window or of the back of our head. We are not even allowed to use our real names.
We are rarely shown as individuals with an actual rage of emotions. Our experience of sexual violence isolated and separated from anything else about us. We are drawn as two dimensional victims; suffering, hiding, ashamed. It is degrading.
This creates disconnection as we don’t relate to this empty image of a victim devoid of humanity. It creates more shame as we feel we should look or respond a certain way as a survivor and if we don’t our experience isn’t real.
It creates misunderstanding for those who aren’t survivors as it misinterprets how survivors might look and act. If we present at any point as playful, humorous or happy for example, rather than depressed at all times, we are likely to not match someone’s idea of a survivor or victim. This leads to us not being believed or seen as a ‘real’, our experiences devalued or compared to fictitious beliefs around abuse.
The way we are hidden from our own stories also creates mystery around who we are. We are ‘othered’. We become these unrelatable characters because so little is shown about us other than our trauma.
Survivors are literally anyone. Beautifully complex individuals from all different backgrounds. We are all around you. We don’t look like that image you have in your head because we are human. We are the faces of those shadows and silhouettes.
We are your friends, we are your partners, we are your children, we are your parents. We exist here. In your community. In your life. We are not this outsider. We are everywhere and more numerous than you can imagine.
We express a whole range of emotions. We are able to laugh, make jokes, have rage, smile, scream, cry, flirt, shout, fuck, dress sexy, play, be fierce, be soft, have sadness, be bored, be silly and any other possible human emotion.
Why are we so afraid to show survivors and victims as real people? To show us laughing or playful or even show our real pain?
It is important to unpack why people are so uncomfortable to see survivors as happy, funny and capable individuals and are only happy to support us if we are a certain way. Why do people feel we don’t deserve support unless we are entirely broken?
Even positive images of survivors are so superficial. There is also such polarisation. We are either weak victims in trauma or strong survivors who have recovered. Happy or sad, strong or weak. There are these ideas of a perfect victim or survivor, but in reality we have beautiful flaws like everyone else.
Vulnerability is incredibly powerful and while we want to see more imagery of survivors with real emotions we also want to challenge the idea that vulnerability and showing raw pain is ‘weak’. We want to see images of genuine crying, real breakdowns and fierce vulnerability as well as images of us laughing, smiling or looking sassy. We want to be whole.
People in positions of power within society or services who can make decisions about how we are represented need to radically change their approach. Now. While they are intending to protect us they are actually doing serious harm.
Let us in. Let us direct your media. Let us tell our stories. Let us own our experiences. Let us exist as we really are.