The disobedient survivor talks

How support services expect us to heal vs how we actually heal

Decolonise and dismantle survivor support structures!

Survivor support services promote dangerous ideas of linear healing and recovery throughout their services. They are pressured by funders and governing bodies to meet targets, prove improvements and show measurable recovery.
Not only are these expectations unrealistic, they also feed harmful westernised ideas of mental health and trauma. Their methods of diagnosing and supporting trauma fails survivors and does not reflect our individual needs.

Healing is not linear. Healing is not quantifiable. Healing is not a diagram. Healing is complex, unique and messy. It is also human. It is about learning to be ok with all feelings, good and difficult. It is not something that can be reduced to a diagram or fit into categories.

While becoming aware of our emotions and process is important in healing, it is damaging us the way survivor services pressure us into measuring our trauma and monitoring and evaluating our recovery in a way that fits the narrative they want. Because they need case studies, positive outcomes and specific results for their impact reports they control the way we asses and record our healing.
We need to challenge this deep set structural norm that makes us feel that we have to improve our mental health at the speed services control and the way services expect.
Instead let’s ask each other questions and create space and trust within healing to find our own pace and path in the ways that are right for us. 💞✨💞✨💞✨💞✨

Note to survivor services: we invite you to start an open dialogue with us. Please get in touch to connect. There will be more about this soon.

Response to JK Rowling

We as survivors stand with our sisters not just our cis-ters!

As survivors we feel it is imperative to make a statement in response to JK Rowling’s toxic views on trans and gender non conforming people (specifically seeing trans women as a threat and not accepting the identities and experiences of the non binary community).

It is violent to speak about cis women’s safety and experiences as survivors of rape, sexual assault or domestic abuse in order to further a dangerous agenda. 

Trans women are women. THIS IS NOT A DEBATE. You do not get to debate someone’s identity or existence. If you do not see this, then you need to do some work. Read. Your fear is because of dangerous myths and untrue ideas that are embedded within our society claiming that trans women are not women and therefore dangerous. This is irrational. This is a belief you have to challenge.

If you had a child and they were afraid of something that wasn’t true, you would support them to challenge that view so that they felt safe rather than perpetuate their unfounded fear.

Of course your safety is important. Nobody is arguing it’s not. BUT it is not trans women that are your threat. We are ALL living in a society that makes us unsafe, however trans women are in far more danger and experience more stigma and abuse than we cis women can possibly imagine. You are putting their lives at risk by perpetuating the idea that they are not “real women”. This is furthering the divide within our community and movement against violence towards womxn and the bigger forces that are in play; capitalist patriarchy.  We have to be very careful not to weaponise our trauma in order to devalue or disregard someone else’s.

Through coming out as a survivor with the platform that you have JK Rowling, you are silencing all those that aren’t survivors to be able to challenge your harmful views and encouraging other survivors to irrationally fear trans women.

We as survivors understand what feeling unsafe is like, we understand what violence and abuse towards us because of our gender and identity is like. We have more tools than most to empathise. We need to stand up for trans women not against them. We share some of the same oppressions and are oppressed by some of the same groups. You are consciously making the active decision to be an oppressor in the same way patriarchy oppresses us all.

SURVIVORS WE NEED TO STAND UP AGAINST THIS HATE! Safe spaces are for people that need safety and protection. We need to mutually support each other to ensure ALL our safety. Stand with all trans folk. Stand against violence to all womxn. #Survivorsstandwithtranswomen.

How support services see us vs reality